hello everyone. i apologize for my long absence from the community. It has been such a long time and honestly I just didn't have the time.

Well, this year ive done so much. I have a baby now. She is my heart, my soul, the very blood that runs through my veins belongs to her. Her name is Jada and i have never been more in love with anything, anyone, in my entire life. She was born on the 22 of September 09.

I also got married. i thought i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but right now im almost positive it is the worst thing for me and our daughter. Im confused and hurt right now. 98% of me wants the divorce but the other 2% is holding me back. im not going to lie, i am scared that when she is older she will hate me for letting her grow up without a daddy. I know nothing about having a divorce, all i know is that everything i own is gone now. i am staying at my parents house with only my daughter and the clothes on my back.

I do wish i had never decided to get married. i know i am to young to be this bitter, but if this divorce falls through, i swear to god i will never get married again. it just isnt worth it to me. i know i can provide my daughter with everything she needs, besides a daddy, but i will give her the world no matter what im left with, she deserves it.

i have completely cut everything and everyone i used to care about out of my life for this man, and now i have nothing. i am not worried, or saying any of this to be a pity boat, all im saying is that my life is going to take years to rebuild. its kind of funny, he told me before i actually left that i was to scared to start my life over. im really not scared of it at all. i have my daughter and i have a roof over her head to keep her warm. im completely fine with starting over as long as i have those two things right now.

i know it is kind of pathetic for me to sit here and wish that i was still a teenager, but i honestly do. but i am not a kid anymore, i do not have the kind of freedom i used to have, but thats fine. it is time to accept the responsibility's i have created for myself.

oh well i have to go, jada just woke up from a nap. peace out guys